did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
