Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
