I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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