just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
