Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
