I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
