i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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