Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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