We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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