If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
