Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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