Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
