I can tuck mytits in my pants
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
