U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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