I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
