worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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