We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
