everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
