I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
