so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
