now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My liver just had a heart attack.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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