Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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