I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize