I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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