Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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