Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
