I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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