I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
