Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
