I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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