Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
