No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
