Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
