I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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