you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
