u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
