We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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