just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
