this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
