yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
