Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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