Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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