just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
