Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
