i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
