if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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