Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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