I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
