he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
