summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize