at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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