halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
