no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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