u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
