i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
