Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
