What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
