She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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