Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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