you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think a kid would responsible me up
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
