Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
