Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
