When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
