my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
