I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
