And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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